Working

I like my job. It has just the right balance of mental application, physical activity, and utter lack of real responsibility. I work nine to five, five days a week and never have to do overtime or take stuff home. If I must have a job it’s a good one.

The problem is…I HATE WORKING.

Given the opportunity – such as a lottery win or large bequest from some wealthy yet, hitherto, unknown relative - I would turn on my heel and walk out. Without a second thought or a backward glance.

When I read of lottery/pools winners saying, “I plan to keep working”, I think: Don’t give the money to them! They have no imagination. They won’t appreciate it or put it good use. Give it to me!

People have told me that they’d be bored without a job. I scoff at that. *scoff, scoff*

There is a whole glorious world out there full of things to do and places to see. There are books to read, artworks to admire, people to meet. Given my mythical windfall I would enrol in mixed and multifarious classes. I’m a great fan of ‘ologies, for example:

Monday: Ecology
Tuesday: Psychology
Wednesday: Geology
Thursday: Egyptology
Friday: Holidology – long weekend – woohoo!

I would have the time and money to travel in the ways I enjoy - by train and boat. Unhurriedly, like in the good old days.

Incidentally, I think the Industrial Revolution was a really bad idea. In my opinion, the only worthy product of industry was the locomotive (although they should have stuck with steam). Arguably, it was all necessary to enable us to arrive here, in the Communications Revolution but, are steam powered computers actually impossible?

I love the idea of ‘renting a villa for the season’ but would be just as happy to stay in my trusty old tent. I don’t need luxury and am not fond of excess. I just want to see some of the beauty and wonder that the word has to offer. I want to learn as much as I can. All I need is to be a lady of independent means. Donations welcome.

*****

This test takes a little while to do but it’s interesting, I think: http://www.personaldna.com/

I’m a ‘freewheeling inventor’. Cool.

Volcanoes

Yesterday was the 123rd anniversary of the cataclysmic eruption of Krakatoa. This reminded me of a pet rant I have. Tourists. No, not Festival ones this time. The ones who take day trips in order to peer into active volcanoes. FOR FUN.

“But”, I scream at them (silently of course. I am British) “It’s an active volcano. Are you mad?”. They seem to think that flip-flops and SPF 15 will protect them should the mountain decide to hiccough molten magma all over the vicinity.

I have realised that they’re not (in the main) actual lunatics. They’re just ignorant and/or arrogant. Recently someone said to me. “…but they don’t just explode”. They’re volcanoes. That’s exactly what they do. Ok. To be fair there would probably be some warning. Some smoking, a rumbling quake or two but my understanding is that active volcanoes do these things all the time. Even if there is some warning there’s a good chance there would be insufficient time to get clear. Pyroclastic flow anyone? If you don’t know about this please look here: http://volcanoes.usgs.gov/Hazards/What/PF/pcflows.html

I’ve seen, first hand what volcanoes can do. We've all heard of the city of Pompeii. The people there were overwhelmed when pyroclastic flow swept down the mountainside, enveloping them in burning dust and gasses. Death came fairly quickly but with oh, so much pain. And we also know that the city was buried so completely, by falling ash and pumice, that it remained undiscovered for centuries.

I’ve also visited the island of Santorini in Greece. 4,000 years ago the island was known as Strongyli (the round one). It must have had springs or rivers since archaeologists, working on the ruined town of Akrotiri, have found evidence of domestic plumbing. Following a catastrophic eruption this once dome shaped island became the ragged collection of jagged islets we see today. Santorini has no fresh water. Residents must rely on distilled seawater for washing and daily deliveries of bottled drinking water.

You may think my fears irrational, my arguments extreme and out of proportion but it boils down to this. If I have to die, I really, really don’t want it to be death by volcano. Do you?

By command...

I have been lazy and blog-free for a week or two but my chum Teo has requested an update. “Just write anything” he said. Well. You asked for it. This one's for you Big T.

*****

The Edinburgh Festival is drawing to a close (thank the Goddess) and I have emerged relatively unscathed. Something happened the other day, which made me realise how blasé I have become about the whole thing.

I was trolling homeward, down The Mound from the High Street, when I came across a group of three tourists. They had stopped in surprise and were pointing across the street at something which they obviously thought wondrous. I looked where they pointed and could see nothing extraordinary. Then, I realised there were three scruffily dressed chaps pushing extra-tall unicycles up the hill. To me this seemed utterly mundane. This is what comes of growing up around the Festival Fringe.

I did see something cool today, though. As I stood in the rain - awaiting a bus, which refused to come – I spied an approaching vision. A tasty young chap decked out like a character from Aliens. Complete with amo belt and gargantuan gun! The coolest thing was how much it suited him. Perhaps he was indeed a visitor from the future, come to save the word from the ghastly Alien threat. I like to think so.

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I now wish to present, for your delectation a jingle what was written for me by the Bard of Bib Services:

If you want to live a day that’s really nice,
If you want to know if you
should watch the film Miami Vice,
If you want to eat the best sticky rice,
Then you’ll want to read…
Jazz’s Life Advice!

I hope I haven’t breached any copyright regulations here! The Bard believes I should set up a sideline in ‘Telling people what to do’. I said “haven’t you read my blog?” Incidentally, I’d rather chew off my own arm than ‘watch the film Miami Vice’. Just so’s you know.

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I sent out one of those email questionnaires the other day. You know the type?

Favourite colour? – Orange.
Favourite food? – Fried squid and Brussels sprouts.
Favourite Marx Brother? – Zeppo.

That sort of thing. So far I’ve received some wonderful responses. Thanks guys. I’d love to get some more. Don’t be shy. You know who you are.

I really have enjoyed reading them. It’s so interesting to find out these sort of things about your friends, I think. Also, it seems that these questions, although apparently innocuous, lull people into giving more intimate and detailed responses than perhaps they would face to face. Thanks again for all the replies. I love you guys.

*****

Oh, and just for Mutley, if she’s reading this:

Bellybellybellybellybellybellybellybellybellybellybellybellybellybellybelly

hee hee